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Chapter 11 — Pre-Chapter Quiz:

 

Question 21: According To This Chapter, Why Do Some Boys Buly Girls?

A.) Because He Loves Her, Of Course

D.) Because They Think She Likes It

!.) Flowers And Cooties

Q.) For Fun

 

Question 22: What Is A Raction Formation?

*.) A Chemical Event, Often Created In Young Slugs

R.) A Way Of Hiding A Negative Trait From Yourself

*.) Both * and R

K.) None of The Above

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Criticism is painful, and the more personally you take the criticism, the more painful it becomes. That fact, in turn, begs this new question:

How do you avoid letting yourself be criticized on a personal level?

The answer? You’re already avoiding it, because there are no words to describe WHO you are at all, and so there are no words to describe the bad “parts” of WHO you are either. Criticism of a WHO can’t be done, not with words that are said out loud, or even with words that are thought inside your head. People can only criticize What you have, even if that What is a trait. The beauty, and yet only problem with this, is that you can criticize those traits too and mistake them for WHO you are, but compliments and criticisms can only be applied to Whats.

This creates a weird, and often overlooked phenomenon (often the core purpose for any psychotherapy is to have a professional help solve it). This weird fact and circumstance, is our ability (often acted on daily) to lie to ourselves!

For example, the truth is that I’m a rather cocky person when it comes to my capabilities, but I understand that my capabilities are not me. As such, I can observe them far more objectively than most and admit when I’m wrong or when I am overestimating them. What I say, and my intentions I had while saying it, are not me. They’re mine. This also applies to you. At the end of the day, you can always be authentic when it comes to yourself if you know the difference between “you” and What you have because criticisms, even self-inflicted ones, have no impact emotionally. Because others aren't certain of WHO you are, any criticism towards you is null and void, and if they’re criticizing What you have, it may not fit with their WHO, but it certainly does seem to fit with yours, and you can just be yourself. And of course, when you know WHO you

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are, you realize that no criticism is really about you, and so don’t need to feel defensive, because you’re not the one under attack.

This is another use of the WHOs versus Whats dynamic. It allows you to be more realistic about your limitations, without delusions or a need to lie to yourself. You’ll understand that, just like with any other What, your limitations can change, be destroyed, and be removed. This is spectacular news. Think about it: Whats change, but WHOs can’t. One is susceptible to attacks, and therefore can be broken, and the other is in a permanent state of invulnerability, because it is WHO it is, and nothing will change that. This means that you don’t need to hold back when changing What you are, so long as you’re comfortable with WHO you are. All weaknesses are meaningless, because all that you have to do is destroy them, or change them. 

Whats can be destroyed, but WHOs can’t be, because WHOs don’t change on any scale, even on the scale of existence. This allows for you to release metaphorical Nukes on your worst beliefs (your worst Whats) and obliterate them completely. Absolute destruction can be made all around WHO you are, because no matter What you break, about What you are…

YOU. Are. YOU.

With or without your limitations, that fact will never change.

With or without your past descriptions, that fact will never. Change.

You, are you.

For the most part, a young child becomes an adult when they’ve finally learned to lie to themselves. This is how a genius becomes a normal. Another word for normal is average and another word for average is boring or mundane. It’s a cliché, and it’s predictable. At the end of the day, you need to not only accept this mindset, but also encourage it within yourself. People tend to criticize unique traits in themselves and then compliment their more cliched natures, but in truth it’s not only

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okay to be different, it’s beyond acceptable to like having different things.

Because if it isn’t normal to be the best, then it isn’t the best to be normal.

Perfection is rare and unique, to the point of being seen as impossible. With that in mind, we must accept that perfection isn’t normal. In fact, it’s very different from our usual, cliched lives. If you saw a “perfect person”, at your job, at school, or in your family, would they be like everyone else, or would they be BETTER than everyone else?

Perfection isn’t normal.

You have to choose: are you going to be the most perfect you that’s possible, or the most normal one? You can choose to be average, or you can choose to be above average, but you can't be both.

And if you want to be above normal, if you want to be the best, then you need to remove the normal flaws that burden us all.

And that is what this section is for.

In psychology, there is a term labeled your “shadow.” Your shadow is an assortment of all of the “negative” traits, mental images, and emotional items that you do have, but that you want to keep a secret from yourself. They’re traits that you’ve criticized so much about yourself, that they needed to hide from you deep within your subconscious. They’re still there, still a part of What you are, but they’re much more hidden from view, or at least… they’re hidden from your view. For example, some alcoholics don’t realize that they have a drinking problem because their alcoholic traits have been mentally hidden and stored within their shadow. They can’t see their shadow very easily. They don’t even realize that they have these bad Whats, such as alcoholism, because they’ve been hidden inside of that concept (the shadow). They can’t see their shadow even if an outsider like you can (Greene 242).

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Sometimes, outsiders can see through your shadow more easily than you can.

Sometimes they can’t.

To find your shadow, and to use it to become above average, you first need to understand how it operates. That’s what this section is for. The shadow uses many tools in order to cover its tracks and its methods. The first, and most noticeable one, is called a “reaction formation” (“Reaction Formation”). In it, the shadow attempts to hide its weaknesses, and very existence, by putting up a facade that is often an over-exaggerated form of the opposite, of a person’s more negative trait. For example, a person who is highly insecure may act with an overbearing sense of confidence and force, to the point it becomes arrogance, by over acting. The key here is that most of the time, reaction formations will be overcompensating. They’ll go too far in pretending to be the opposite. This is why he’ll appear arrogant more than confident, and demanding more than firmly rigid. Your shadow doesn’t always overcompensate, but it usually will. 

Keep in mind, however, that most people won’t do this consciously. This man will firmly believe that he is truly a confident and firmly rigid man. They’re lying to themselves more than they’re lying to you. In this example, the man will have no idea that he’s actually an insecure coward, and if you point it out, he’ll consider you a liar.

This strategy of the shadow could be used for several reasons. For starters, it could be to hide the truth from outsiders. Perhaps it always originates like that, but a near certainty soon arises that the shadow is required to hide reality from one’s self. Nobody likes to be a liar, and so that ability and tendency will become part of the shadow all on its own because it’s seen as a negative trait, and in such, the nature of all the lies must be seen as the unbreakable truth, for that is the purest, and opposite form of the shadow there is. In more turbulent times, when leaders lie, they’d never admit to it. They can't even consider the fact that they have NO CLUE what they're talking about. This, my friends, is why you need

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to start with absolute honesty (Chapter 10), because in all sincerity, being absolutely honest is very difficult, and it will take practice.

I will be repeating the importance of honesty A LOT within this section, but that is due to it's very true and very real importance as a powerful force behind identifying WHO you truly are. Although it may be boring, it is the smallest of detail shifts within my phrasing that allows for your mind to become more open in every chapter. Please DO NOT skip over those portions of the chapters, even if it may get boring for a few seconds.

According to Farley et al., “prolonged and repeated trauma usually precedes entry into prostitution. From 55% to 90% of prostitutes report a childhood sexual abuse history.” (35). Some psychologists believe that this may be more than a mere correlation, but an actual causation for these people. It appears as though, to hide their own disgust from what had happened, and in an attempt to cope with the trauma or unwanted feelings, many of which they probably don’t even know they have, they may transform sex into a business, or an everyday occurrence as an attempt to “normalize” their more terrible memories. After all, sexual abuse is anything BUT normal. “I do it everyday. There’s no way that one instance can hurt anymore, right? It was all so long ago.” Notice how I state that they probably don’t even know the cause. That’s how the shadow works. It’s like a mental ninja, stopping many bad thoughts from reaching you, and doing so without your knowledge, or consent. It does so shrouded in darkness. It is your shadow. Your shadow is a protector, but its methods are unsound, and they must be brought to light. Either that, or you will always be at the mercy of your darkest instincts, and all without you knowing. My friends, ignorance is no excuse for dark behaviors.

Another, less adult, example of a reaction formation is the classic example of a young boy bullying a girl because he likes her. This may be for the boy to hide his feelings from the girl. It might be to hide his feelings from himself. At the end of the day, he’s putting up a facade of contempt, because he is feeling the absolute opposite. He worships her. He doesn’t know why, and he doesn’t like it. A poor little boy’s mind is often incapable of comprehending such powerful emotions the first time around, and so, out of protection, his shadow kicks in.

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To help solve this conundrum of the shadow as a whole, you should first look at what harsh criticisms others have given you. Again, almost everyone believes in justice. The question is what justice means to them. If they are your friends, and perhaps more importantly, if they’re criticizing you about things from a position you want to be in, the chances are that they are justified in doing so. The more it hurts you, the more you see it as the opposite of WHO you are. WHOs create emotions depending on whether or not they match or align, remember? 

This means that the WHO, the target of their criticism, if it upsets you, is being seen as opposing your WHO. This is a perfect time to check to see if it’s hurting, not you, but your SHADOW. The shadow is almost always misinterpreted as a part of WHO you are, although the opposite is the real truth. It’s one of the most parasitic Whats you have. Your shadow is much weaker than you. That is why it hides. That is why you hide it. It is a list of vulnerabilities, and so it scares you to have it seen. Of course the shadow wants to be seen as a part of you. It’s banking on the fact that you would never hurt “yourself”.

In reaction to a shocking reveal or surprise, us humans often choose from one of four responses: Fight, flight, freeze or appease. These are what’s called an “emergency reaction” (“Fight Or Flight Response”). Most people haven’t heard of the last two. they're often overlooked, but they are still reactions to surprise. If you feel the need to fight the criticism with anger or rage, if you feel the need to run away and are scared to hear it, if it makes you freeze, or if you’re stuck mulling it over again, and again, and again. Chances are that this criticism has formed an attack on your shadow, and has rocked you to your core. A quick note to make for yourself is this: The more a criticism hurts you, the bigger the problem may be, and the more seriously you should try to look it over.

Keep in mind, that with the inclusion of "appease", you should also be making sure that you will only change your values and goals, or other traits, if they have been proven wrong. Innocent until proven guilty and all that. The point of these chapters is to tell you when to hold court over yourself and what you are doing, but the verdict on whether you're guilty

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or innocent is yet to be decided. Reaching a verdict is for the last section. The chapters in this portion are for the times when you need to take a serious and often harsh look at yourself, even when it hurts; and again, the more it hurts to look, the more likely it is that you need to see it. Where better to look for a mental, demonic ninja, than in the places that you've never dared to see?

Second, and perhaps more importantly, you should fight to be as honest as possible, especially when you don’t want to. Hence, the strange inclusion of Chapter 10. (See? Told you it'd be repeated a lot.) I include only the essentials, so as not to waste your time, but honesty is essential to finding your true WHO. These truths will help you find inconsistencies and contradictions, your own abnormalities and anomalies, as it were. 

If, for example, you state that you want something to happen, and then are overjoyed, grateful, and even appreciative when the opposite outcome occurs, then maybe (just maybe) you never actually wanted that original outcome to occur in the first place. You should look at such things, as, if you are truly trying to be honest and you honestly believed you rooted for the original at first, then something might have lied to you. Your SHADOW may have lied to you. Look for the source of your misunderstanding with yourself. Then negotiate with it, or destroy it, because as it is now, it'll create nothing but self-harm in the long run.

Although this portion is about finding your shadow, such as through a reaction formation, or improper facade, the key use of this information is often NOT to remove or destroy your shadow. The point is often to merge it into the rest of What you are, more healthily (Greene 255). When two things don’t align, this doesn’t mean that one must be erased. In fact, they should often be merged (With Whats!!! KEEP IN MIND, I'm talking about Whats, NOT WHOs), it's hard for something to not align with itself, and people are, in themselves, contradictory. Fake psychics use this fact to create what’s called a Rainbow Ruse (Rowland 36). They take a spectrum, any spectrum, related to humans and list both

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extremes as being something that you are. For example, a good psychic might say:

“You’re a rather trusting person. You bring absolute loyalty to your friends. I can see that you believe in them, and only wish them the best, but I can also see that, with many people, you are distant, and a bit cold. I can’t see exactly why that is, but you seem to keep people at an arm's length. Only if they earn the right to be in your circle are you truly forever loyal, but for you, once they’re in your circle, they are In. Your. Circle.”

This is just saying “Oh, my dear client, you seem both loyal, and distant.”

 

Boring!

 

This works, because we often exist somewhere in the middle of the spectrum (Rowland 36). As such, if you’re mostly distant and a bit loyal, you’ll say “Wow! That distance part really describes me, and I do participate in loyalty, on occasion.” and if you’re mostly loyal, and a bit distant, you’ll say. “Wow! That loyalty part really describes me, and I do participate in distance, on occasion.”

The fact is that many of the things we do are on a spectrum. It's just that we overlook it. Another trick fake psychics use is the 100% rule, in which they state that someone isn’t being 100% of something. It's based on the same logic, that logic being that we often live somewhere in the middle of our spectrums (Rowland 36). In this case, they could say “You aren’t actually 100% distant from everyone. You might just think that you are.”.

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A good, healthy person has many contradictions within them, and they accept, and even appreciate that about themselves. It means that they can succeed within multiple situations, even ones that are completely opposite from one another. It’s easy to succeed if nothing can phase you, and nothing can phase you if your identity is so well-versed as to be strong from one extreme, all the way to another. It’s best to try allowing for both extremes to have as much leeway as socially possible. Sometimes, for things like arrogance, just saying what you think you’re capable of is completely acceptable, so long as you make sure to measure the results afterward and admit to your failures. In fact, this has earned me considerable praises on many occasions.

A man with a merged shadow can be both arrogant, and humble. He can be both unpredictable, and reliable. Funny, but serious. He can do pretty much anything. He can offer anything. 

And people can feel that, in their bones, and they want it, all for themselves. So keep looking for your opposing sides, and know that while they may be your weaknesses for now, they can become the very thing that saves your life, and the lives of your friends, in the future.

Today, shine a light on your darkened shadow, and watch as you stumble onto a brighter tomorrow.