To rephrase what I wrote in The Introduction:

“I would rather be rejected 1,000 times, and find the people that I was meant to be with, than to never be rejected at all, and be stuck in loveless relationships.”

 And this includes my entire relationship with myself.

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In a world of ungrateful people, one may find themselves asking how to live a life that’s truly worth loving at all. Yet, I feel that I must describe to you the factors required to live such a fantasy, because without some attempt at meaning, or without some attempt at a “purpose” for our existence, then our existence becomes quite literally meaningless.

 

And if YOU don’t define your purpose - someone ELSE will. 

 

I guarantee it.

Because THAT is manipulation in its purest form - giving someone a purpose in your goals by blinded them to their own purpose, in their own life.

To defend against this, we must understand more than just what we want. We must also comprehend what needs achieving to have our desires as soon as possible, and while it's true that I can help you find the life that you were born to live and love, I must also teach you how to find the tools necessary to reach out, grab, and make that life your own. This requires that we note the rules of logical qualifiers for being fulfilled and the emotional requirements for feeling fulfilled, because sometimes, sometimes and strangely often, your mind can reach all of the logical requirements needed to be happy, and still not emotionally realize it. The first step in living a good life is knowing the logic on how "the feeling" of reaching our goals actually works. People do not understand that logic and emotions run on two separate muscles, and must be worked out accordingly; hence why we now have problems with things like ungratefulness, impatience, and obesity. Of course, there are also plenty of people in the world who still will feel satisfied with themselves, even when What they are creates no logical reason for feeling this way. In the end, both of these people are simply delusional.

It would be no good to have us reach our heaven, here on earth, if we still had no clue where we were, or that we had already made it, right? No one wants to be sitting on a pile of gold, and not be able to realize it or appreciate it. No one wants to feel imprisoned while they have a house on the promised land. So let's start by noting that WHOs are the foundations for "emotionally based" decision making, and Whats are used for the "logically based" decision making. Thus, logically, What you have can be a golden life, but WHO you are may not emotionally identify with and feel good about that reality. This means that once you know the difference between WHOs and Whats, the next step is to study the unique subject of the different uses, for both our WHOs, and for our Whats, separately. 

In simple terms, WHOs will make you feel good or bad about things internally and personally, while Whats will tell you how to mentally conceptualize things as a puzzle piece that fits within our larger reality. This applies to everything, including your traits, goals, and desires.

We must always remember that people only love things for WHO they are, not What they are, What they do, What they have, or even What the both of you share together. It is the ability to believe you know WHO someone is that makes love both so possible, and so special.

In order to succeed emotionally in life, all that you need is loyalty:

• Loyalty to a cause.

• Loyalty to a mission.

• Loyalty to a person,

• And loyalty to yourself.

But it's much easier to be loyal to someone’s cause, or their happiness and freedom, if you’re already loyal to them as a person,

and if you want the strength to fight for your freedom, your life, and your happiness, the easiest way to acquire that power, is by learning to fight and be loyal to yourself.

 

The concept of self love is actually extremely important to charlatan psychics. I mean, pretty much every reading starts by trying to determine what the person wants, and what they fear. What makes them feel happy, and what makes them feel disgust. In short, the beginning of every reading requires the psychic to know the clients preferences. This is for many reasons:

 

1. People are more likely to believe a reading that they want to hear.
2. People have strong insecurities, and knowing what they like allows you to label those insecurities in a profitable way(Like reading that someone is "stubborn",  but knowing that they’d prefer it described as "having high standards".)
3. People are less likely to look too deeply, or disagree with your readings if they like you. So if you know their preferences you can do your best to mimic them during the reading.
4. And SO MUCH MORE

 

With that in mind, "psychics" know EXACTLY how to make people Feel satisfied, but Magician's are the one's who can Logically satisfy you.

Side note (and just a heads up): Never call a mentalist a "magician". It feels like an insult to them. (Mentalists are psychics, fortune tellers, mediums, or other "psychic performers" that use the principles of magic to accomplish their acts).

Yes, the performers will sometimes be more dramatic or even use huge props. They may do it for fun rather than conning you, letting you know it’s just a trick, and so on.

But I warn you: NEVER CALL THEM MAGICIANS. It WILL piss them off. I've studied both, and even I get a slight twinge of pain when someone mixes up my mentalism for a magic performance. They have two very different goals. One is about making you feel new emotions. The other is about making you question your thoughts. They are not the same thing.

Mistaking a magician for a mentalist is like mistakes one of Shakespeare’s tragedies for a comedy. They may have the same style, but if you’re mixing them up - then you’ve COMPLETELY missed the point of the performance. And just like for Shakespeare, if you do that to us, it will be seen as insulting.

So let me be clear: This book is about mentalism. Book 2 will be about magic, and the others...

Are a secret 🤫 (Lmao). But again, this books is about self-preservation, mentalism, and emotion.

 So let's talk about love.

 

This strange concept of "WHOs" is exactly why you can talk with someone about your crush, your girlfriend or your boyfriend, or your spouse, your partner, or whatever you call them, and you can talk about them til you’re blue in the face. You could list off everything you know about them, probably assuming that somewhere in there is the reason that you fell in love, and yet the listener never falls in love with them. Why is that? Surely, if you listed off all the quality evidence for why they’re a lovable person, at least some listeners would fall hard as well, just by hearing you speak. After all, if What you said includes a reason to love them, then it would be obviously reasonable for some of them to be swayed into that same emotion, too. The truth is, no matter how many Whats you share about a person, you’re not describing WHO they are, and people fall in love, real love, for WHO you are, not What you are or What you have. 

"Reason is powerless before the cry of the heart."

- Albert Camus

 

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But! Does love only apply to living things, hmmm? Consider this: If you had a friend that didn't feel as passionately as you did for a subject, even after giving it a chance, what could you do to change their minds? For starters, you can try listing off all of your reasons for being passionate about it. We'll use coffee as an example here. You can list off all the positive things that drinking it has done for you, or What it does. You can list off the traits that it has, like the company that creates it, or its flavor. You can talk about the traits of its creator, like if they give 50% of their profits to charity. If someone isn’t a coffee person, at least for this coffee, there isn’t very much you can do about that. They don’t love the identity of the coffee. They don’t love “WHO” the coffee is, so to speak. 

This love for items, and all nonliving things, we call “Passion”. It works in a highly similar manner to love. I won’t claim that they are identical without proof, as that would be the same as stating the existence of a single line between madness and genius, but within my mind, love and passion almost perfectly overlap. This is why some people can hold on to the same old blanket for years, even since childhood, despite all the criticisms they get from the other members of the family or friends. This is why even collectors can often find each other collecting different things, from cars, to figurines, to dust bunnies. We choose these things based on how they make us feel. Each of them has its own WHO.

What you are exists, and this is why you can have a WHO. 

Every What has its own WHO. For example, regarding the coffee, the idea that 50% of the money goes to charity may actually get them to drink the coffee, say, to give more money to charity with at least some form of benefit to themselves (the selfish narcissists!), but it doesn’t ensure that they’ll start to love the coffee. Like a gold digger getting in bed with you for your money, without loving you, you too can drink coffee without actually loving the coffee itself, but no matter how many Whats someone gives you for their passion, it doesn’t mean you’ll become passionate for it as well. There’s always something more to it than that. In this case, they’re in love with the action of giving 50% of their profit to a charity. That item in the list has its own identity, its own WHO, and WHOs are what create emotions.

I know! Loving an item being seen as the same form of romance to loving your soul mate took the "romance" out of it, huh? Well, I’m a realist. You’ll have to learn to live with that, my dear buckos. "Psychics", and con men, have been using this fact for generations now. It's not easy to have a desirable scam, but it is easy to make a scam SEEM desirable by giving it the proper traits and processes.

 

For example, the color ORANGE often symbolizes cheap and shoddily made products, or just creative and artsy ones. So the next time you go into a store, or are checking out the colors of products online, try to find orange products. Why?

 

Cause you won't find any unless their main selling point is being cheap/afforable, or if they're a creative product/service. Big business doesn't mess around with these things, and neither should you.

 

Why do you think psychics have nice looking tarot cards, crystal balls, and colorful stones rather than the common rock you could find outside? Is it because the green rock is better than the blue one? God no! But their colors will let them sell for a much higher price than if everything was grey. It makes them feel unique. The WHOs behind each color will make different people feel different ways. That is why you have a preference, and that is how they sell you this preference that THEY manufactured FOR YOU TO BUY FROM THEM.

 

This leads to a problem of mistaking the feelings towards a smaller level or part, and accidentally applying it to the whole. For example, no matter how many mistakes you make, or how many failures you have, it's not you, and so it shouldn't even be acounted for in whether or not you need them in order to love yourself, because love is not about What you have, or don't have. It's simply about you and how you relate to any WHO, even if that WHO is your own. In short, you can only fall in love with the idea of someone or something if you don't know WHO they are, but loving an idea isn’t the same as loving the real thing; not in the slightest. This is your first problem with becoming a self-sustaining powerbase. Of course you can't claim to love yourself, or that you'll stay loyal to yourself. You haven't met them yet. You may dislike the mistakes that you’ve made, for WHO they are, but that doesn’t mean that you need to dislike you, and the same applies to your manipulators. You can hate their action and still love them, and you can love their action but hate their reasons for doing it.

 

In magic, one of the key principles to any good swap is to make both items indistinguishable from each other for a short frame of time. This is what allows the swap to happen directly in front of someone. By making the items blend with each other for just a split second within our vision, we lose track of juuust nough facts for the illusion to take place. Manipulators use this phenomenon to try swapping one WHO with another, using the Whats as the camouflaging tool to make the items seem the same for just enough time to keep you believing them. Of course, once the lie is discovered, the truth of Whats real becomes painfully apparent as the consequences come crashing in.

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These same facts can be said about items and goals as well, among many other inanimate things. This may be, I hypothesize, due to the fact that humans are very social creatures by nature, and so cannot help but unconsciously see things as merely symbols for a more human-like soul. For example, we can watch cartoon animals, that can talk (like a human), and not freak out or be unable to watch the movie due to how "unrealistic" it is, because, quite frankly, humans are very good at unconscious symbolism and personification. This is why foreshadowing works so well in movies or literature. A mere clock breaking can be seen as a symbol for how a character may wish for a single moment to last forever, among other things . All of the fiction and their world-building works, because even the most surreal concepts can be seen by us as contained within the one frame of mind that is "humanity", and "living a human life", no matter how separated a human life really is from the story being told.

These concepts include human desires, such as Gatsby's love for Daisy, as well as fears, such as the rose wilting, and chances dwindling, in Beauty And The Beast. It's also - and this is very clear - why you often treat your pets as sons, daughters, or siblings, when in truth, they couldn't really be that, for the simple fact that they are not human. This includes inanimate things, like dolls, even nonhuman-based dolls, or even nonliving human-based ones, like a candle with a smile on it. Heck! Just sew a cartoon face on a blob of cloth, and children will love the doll for WHOever they imagine it to be.

Consider, once again, the clock from The Great Gatsby. How would an entire audience understand what this means if symbolism itself didn't have some universal principles? If a clock did not UNIVERSALLY symbolize time itself, and if time itself did not UNIVERSALLY symbolize change, then how would we all have come to understand the deeper subtleties within Fitzgerald’s work? Consider meeting an autistic person, whose diagnosis makes it very hard for them to escape the literal meaning of words, and trying to tell them that this clock, is not just a clock, but also rather, a symbol, and they will be confused out of their minds. How do you logically explain a symbol to someone who has never experienced the epiphany of a metaphor? This is not something that is easily taught to those with an untrained system. I would know, because I have autism and was warned that metaphors would be one of my main social problems (Luckily for me and my love of eloquence they were wrong. Hehe. But apparently its a real thing that can happen.).

So, how then do we ALL come to comprehend that a clock equals time, and that time equals change? Surely, there is an underlying metric that we all must have experienced, and therefore, all have at our fingertips as a universal decryptor for this universal code. 

A universal decryptor such as a universal experience? Like the universal experience of… a human life?

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Many people, including psychologists, believe that personification is a subcategory of symbolism, but what if we hypothesize for a second that symbolism is actually a subcategory of personification? We know they're correlated, but has anyone checked for reverse causation (the scientific error of accidentally assuming that the cause is the effect and that the effect is the cause, thereby swapping the two)? A clock may just be an item in terms of Whats, but in terms of WHOs, it may be completely human to us. Therefore, it's reasonable to ponder how humanity may have become the filter that symbols may pass through to obtain or discover deeper meanings. If we always view things as somewhat human, just with different lives, then maybe the universal traits of humanity are what fuels the universal effectiveness of all symbols. I've never proven such a thing, but I have considered it on many occasions.

If the clock is seen as a human, just another being with a life,  if its body is too far broken, like with all living things, life would escape through the cracks. Through this, a symbol of breaking a clock may be seen as a death or a murder, but if Gatsby murdered the clock, what could possibly be his motive, whether conscious or unconscious? Perhaps, like a man removing his witnesses, he simply wished to stop the clock from doing what he knew was in its very nature to do. A clock tells time, yes, but more importantly, it tells us how much time has passed. All clocks simply measure how far into the future we have traveled from a previous state. I have seen no clocks that count time backward from now into the B.C. Era and before. Clocks only have one testimony that it knows how to tell, and Gatsby refused to let himself, or anyone else, hear it.

Perhaps, it was nothing more than the simple words "Your time is up.", or "It's been too long." "The time has passed.", “That time is no longer with us”, or perhaps, the clock would simply say:

”You lose, Gatsby.”

Our need to be social has been around for hundreds, if not thousands of years. It is no longer a matter of conscious thought. Just as a first impression doesn't need to be focused on to accomplish it, neither does seeing items as a person. Of course, like many other unconscious things, like breathing, you can come to focus on it consciously, but it will feel unnatural and even forced to you, when in truth, like breathing, it is one of the most natural and instinctual things you can do. Strangely enough, the more you focus on this innate trait, the more difficult it becomes to use it in the short term, but like breathing, sometimes you will need to do it consciously to maintain clarity of mind and an awareness of your innermost thoughts.

Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if the symbolism/associative part of our brains were next-door neighbors with the emotional part, or at least highly connected through nerves. They've always seemed highly correlated to me, no matter what emotion, and no matter what symbol. Because of this, I've always viewed humanity as having the same set of tools used for the same emotional connections as a way to view inanimate things the same as in our relationships with the animate ones. To me, the reasons you may fall in love with a person for can be loosely applied to items as well. This is my magical philosophy, and it's the one that made me somewhat "famous" among my peers. I simply treated my products and services as people and introduced them accordingly. In fact, it's the style and philosophy I use to sell... pretty much all of my content, and we all know how fantastic that is going so far (I hope... I'm still writing the book, so I wouldn't know. Lmao.). I simply turned my products into master pick-up artists and BOOM! They picked up a VERY large number of people for coaching services that I offered as a substitute while they wait. Coincidence? Maybe, but doubtful, based on its consistent reliability. 

All that said, I wouldn’t be surprised if people started having a hard time understanding symbolism in literature or media, as well as thinking that more analogies are faulty than actually are. People are becoming more and more separated from WHO they are, and if my hypothesis is correct that means that they’re separating from symbolism as a whole.

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What I mean to say by all of this symbolism talk is that, to us, and our overly social brains, even items have a WHO, or at least they have a subjective identity that we view them by; therefore we tend to develop feelings for them in the same sort of vien as we would with a human, and vice versa, whether this is due to symbolism or not. Again, as I've stated previously, WHOs are NOT souls or spirits, they are simply a higher level of thinking, it's a sort of "metaconcept" on the identity behind What exists, as viewed from a different point of view. This ability to love WHO a nonliving thing is may also be the reason why people believe that it's okay to judge you based solely on your Whats as well, because the two seem almost identical to an untrained mind, as... well, you don't tend to consciously think about it very often, and so you don't consciously note the similarities or the differences, but items are unconsciously seen as somewhat living as well. This is why you feel a need to identify with them. It's just that you haven't been consciously thinking about it, so you haven't tested the thought's validity. You didn't even know that thought existed in the first place. 

Because WANTS are based on feelings of desire, and NEEDS are based on logically imagined futures, the special thing about NEEDS, is that you can NEED a What, but you cannot need a WHO (because Whats are logic-based, and WHOs are not), and because of the fact that WHOs are purely emotion-based, you can only want and desire such a valuable thing, but you'll never need it.

What does this have to do with loving yourself, and thereby gaining the strength to move towards the dreams and the resources that no one else can aim for?

It starts to prove that it's the ability to leave a relationship that makes love so valuable, even in a relationship with your dreams. Choice is what gives love power. This mindset is rather beautiful, not just for you, but also for all of the companions that you choose to stand behind. The truest meaning of love, be it romantic, platonic, or otherwise, is that you’ve chosen to sacrifice your time, your energy, your effort, and so much more, for this individual. This includes sacrificing in love, for yourself. 

The beauty lies in the fact that it is a choice. You want to be with them. You don’t need to be. In its most basic form, to love someone means three basic things. You want them in your life, you want them to love you back, and you want them to be happy, but you don't need for them to be anything. Strangely enough, the more you stop feeling a NEED to love yourself, the more easily you will... so long as you still WANT TO. This means that you need a logical reason to feel stable, and therefore, our Whats are still important because they give us an objective form of stability. Only after we feel stable in ourselves, can we start to move towards loving ourselves and others effectively.

Even if you are married, there is a key difference between needing your spouse and wanting them, and it is essential in maintaining the relationship until the end of days; even if you and your spouse live in the same house, sleep in the same bed, cook and eat the same meals. If it’s an arranged marriage to keep your family from going poor, can you prove that you choose to stay out of love for them (an emotion)? No matter what actions you do with them, no matter how nice they look (what physical traits they have), no matter how much love-making you do in bed (no matter what sex you have), is there anything about this situation that feels like a proven “true love”? Even if there is love, how would you prove it, if all of your actions are being done out of a need? If it's a need and not a want, then you’re doing it because you have to, and so your actions mean nothing as a measurement of what you feel, including how "in love" you feel, because you would be doing the action with, or without a personal desire. Even more importantly, you're only doing it because you have to, for What they have, and not for WHO they are. In this case, you're doing it for their money - to have it and not go poor. It's simply a trade of actions (even romantic ones), for money. This "relationship", is nothing more than a job. These jobs can also be done for yourself. This includes when you defend yourself or work hard towards a personal goal, and so love's absence can make it very difficult for you to get anything done. Of course you hate your life, you're always working for someone else... for something else.

 

And many people will try to keep this going on purpose. Often times, people will, whether consciously or unconsciously, play with you in what's called a "Badger Game". The badger game is one of the 7 basic cons, from which all other cons derive from. You see, the badger game is to offer the mark some sort of "deal" one that seems to be highly beneficial. 

 

For example, if you're an employee who has trouble with transportation. Your new boss may be trying to lend their car to you, and giving you extra hours to help pay off the car payments for purchasing it.

 

Sounds like a kind gesture to someone who has transportation issues, right? But be careful, what happens next could be devastating. Here's the thing to determine before agreeing to anything:

Will you be able to give the car back if you stop being able to make payments?

Why? Because if you can't, they can blackmail or guilt-trip you into the next century. For example, if you ever disagree with them, they can cut your hours again, removing the extra amount that was helping you pay for the car. This puts you in an uncomfortable situation. Or maybe they keep the hours, but give you difficult/dehumanizing work. What can you do, change jobs? You're still tied to them through the car. On and on the possibilities go. THIS is a badger game.

In everyday life it’s usually smaller though. Maybe they get you to pay for their lunch once, and the second time you guys hang out, they invite you out to eat. The problem? They didn't bring any money, saying they thought you were gonna pay. "YOU DID IT LAST TIME!" What are you gonna do, leave them there with their angry waiter? This type of guilt-trip is, in fact, a badger game. They gave you validation, gratitude and appreciation the first time, only to use that appreciation as an excuse for unnecessarily high expectations in the future. To a con artist, even gratitude is a tool to screw you over. Remember: con artists don't love you, not even platonically, but will PRETEND to love you, when in truth, you're just a NEED.

"Give your friends your money and your blood, but never justify yourself. Your enemies won't believe it and your friends won't need it."

- An Arabic Proverb

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A NEED is easy to identify. If you don't have it, you'll continue to be in pain. If you do have it, that pain goes away. Pretty simple. That said, even if you "need' something, that doesn't necessarily mean that the need is healthy. It sounds crazy to say in our present society, but in all truth, our needs only depend on our own wants. To be blunt, you don't even have survival needs. After all, you wouldn't NEED to eat, if you actually WANTED to starve, now would you? If you didn't WANT to live a successful life, you wouldn't NEED to survive in order to live that successfully.  In short, you don't actually have needs to both thrive and survive. Survival is not the source of needs. Survival is a NEED, to reach the higher WANT that is your own definition of "thriving." This explains why some martyrs can feel okay with death. The outcome that this death will result in, is the highest sense of a thriving existence they could ask for, even if they'll only be truly thriving after they die. To them, the thriving comes from their memory living on, and so the death may be NEEDED. Again, the only reason that we have our "survival needs" is because we NEED to survive, in order to thrive by our own definition. You will only ever have NEEDS to achieve what you WANT, and nothing more.

 

Of course, moving too far away from your own definition of thriving is just as terrible as being in a standstill. In this case, if you're not moving up the mountain, then you're probably falling down it. This is often felt through a lack of emotions, and, therefore a lack of WHOs. Once you lose track of WHO you are, you'll lose track of your value, because as stated previously, WHOs are the sources for all feelings and emotions, and how we feel towards something is highly correlated with how much we value it. If you don't know WHO you are, you won't know how to value yourself. This makes you feel worthless. No clear value? No clear worth.

"People rarely succeed unless they have fun in what they are doing."

- Dale Carnegie

Of course, since WHOs are the source of all emotion, if you've come to hate yourself, you've seriously lost track of WHO you are. In a game of aligning, or not aligning, you should always be able to fit in with yourself. If you aren't, then that's simply because you're trying to match with the wrong thing, and you're looking in all the wrong places. Not only are you ignorant of WHO you are, but you're also falsely assuming to have a WHO that is incorrect and that you actually don't have. 

The same can be said of self-love and self-preservation. No matter What you may not have gained, or even What you may have lost, it doesn't define you. Some people believe that, since their life sucks now, it'll suck forever. If you're being impatient with life, and all of reality, with everything that the entire WORLD has to offer... then can you really believe that you're still being patient, with someone as tiny and miniscule as yourself, by comparison? Yes. You are small compared to this world. Yes. You are weak, compared to the world, but that's all the more reason to give yourself as many opportunities as you can to win this fight and prove to everyone, world and all, that you, given enough time, given the opportunity, given a fair fight, are no one to fuck with. The world has had thousands of years to practice the art of kicking your ass. Now give yourself some time as well to do the same, and trust me; You can kick its ass. Believe me. I once... Well, let's just say that I "nearly died" at a very young age. So be patient. Wait. Work. Fight. And then have your reward. 

All of the goals that you'll be working towards will sound like Whats, but the truth is, that at its core, what you're really looking for is an emotion, and it often comes to you in the form of a transformation, from one type of existence to the next, from a mediocre, or terrible you, and the life you have, to better ones. Though some may mistake it for trading one life for the next, that metaphor is not entirely accurate, for many reasons, some of which we'll describe in this book. Since you cannot change WHO you are, the best way for you to go about feeling differently is to collect a bunch of smaller WHOs that make the overall average seem more positive and satisfying. We'll start to discuss how people do this, and the WHOs they'll be using to get it done, long before the end of this chapter. Don't worry! you'll at least have a portion of the overall philosophy before the end of free pages.    :)

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Now, you may be thinking that "logic-based decisions are the only good decisions", and that you don't need to focus on your own WHO anymore because your emotions will only blind you in the future, but in truth, all the decisions that we make have to use a little bit of both logic and emotion. It's just that manipulators re-rig the scale so that you use too much emotion and not enough logic. Again, both are needed. Funny enough, many people believe we only make good choices based on sound, logical reasons, but the truth is that no choice is purely logical, because they're value-based. Think of it this way: the most common form people describe to me as being “purely logical,” is to list off all of the pros and cons of any given choice (ie. its consequences and its traits, and so on), and then to choose the one with the best balance between those pros, and cons. There’s at least one big problem with this. And it’s pretty simple. How do you know which of the consequences are pros, and which ones are cons? No matter what your logic is, the decision is made as a way to trade your current present, for a different future. Why would you trade your present for a future that is less valuable? If it isn't less valuable, how would you know?

Let’s say that one of these consequences for your choice, one of your futures, was a 100% chance of death. Well then, it depends on how you feel about death. If you feel a desire to keep living, chances are that you fear death, as your WHO aligns with life, and has a very unlikely chance of aligning with its opposite. As such, you’d turn down this choice almost immediately. What if you’re suicidal, or simply don’t care if you die? Well, if the other items on the list are good enough, you might choose to complete this choice, based simply on pure numbness. Better yet, if the items on the list are so valuable, that you’d even risk trading your life to have them come to fruition, you may happily, though with reservations, commit to completing this choice too, while maybe going down in history as another famous, great martyr. Sometimes, people will feel that death is acceptable, or even wanted. Even death, something as seemingly terrible as death itself, may actually be a pro, depending on how you feel.

Some of you may be saying, “But what about our survival instinct?”. It doesn’t matter. Our survival instinct may exist, but its way of achieving things, like many other psychological capabilities, relies on other, outside, portions of the brain. Your survival instinct doesn’t work alone.

Basically, you may have a survival instinct, but that instinct often communicates its needs through sensations. It makes you experience something so that you know how to act. It may make your stomach growl in hunger, or it may give you the butterflies. It may make you sweat. It may make you shiver, but ultimately, it must give you a sensation. In the case of death, often this sensation is fear. And fear my friends, is an emotion.

All these other sensations are made to make you feel an emotion as well, such as a desire for food, a cold drink, or to want to curl up under a warm blanket. Almost all experiences lead to emotion, even experiencing certain thoughts. Hence why, imagining any future experiences, or remembering past ones, is not necessarily pure logic. Make no mistake, emotions play a vital role in many of our everyday lives and activities. The progress and potential made by emotions are high in value and should be appreciated accordingly. This means that your WHOs should be appreciated too, because WHOs are the source of all emotion. Keep in mind that your priorities are a choice, and so this means that to understand What it is that you need in life (What should be prioritized for you, to feel both fulfilled and happy in the long run), you will still need to know your own WHO to help make the full decision. Whatever your emotional desires are, there will always be logical requirements that need to be met. In order to eventually have them, and so Whats are needed too.  

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To be clear, I'm saying that if you WANT a partner, for WHO they are, then you NEED to earn them through your choices, because what you NEED is a choice. NEEDS are a series of choices decided by what you WANT, not the other way around. Again, if you WANT to starve then you do not NEED food, but if you WANT full stomach and to be able to survive, then you do need food. Everything is a matter of choice. The more you things you want, the more things you’ll need, and the less things you want, the less things you’ll need. This is one of the things that makes discovering your life’s purpose so freeing. You’ll only have one real goal, and therefore you won’t need as much to be happy. I’ll also be teaching you how to find your real purpose in life on this site as well, so don’t you worry about missing out on that!

Funny enough, many people believe that you can change your WANTS, but that you cannot change your NEEDS. This is actually reversed. You can change what you NEED to do in order to move towards your definition of "thriving", but you cannot change the destination of "thriving land" itself.

You can always change the path that you NEED to take in order to reach what you WANT, but that doesn't mean that you can change what you WANT in itself because that's not how a journey works.

No matter how you get to Florida, that land is where it is. Florida IS where it is.

No matter how you get to Heaven, Heaven is where it is.

Your promised land is your promised LAND. It doesn’t move, but how you get there is up to you. Your personal Heaven is always within reach.

You have no right, and no ability, to change what it is that you truly long for in life. If you want external things, then the only way to gain enough influence over reality to have them is to change yourself and your actions (By changing What you are and What you have). Otherwise, it’s no longer up to you on whether or not you get what you want. It’ll simply be up to the universe.

You cannot change what you want, just as you cannot change WHO you are, but you can change how you deal with it. Again, we will discuss that more in-depth in later chapters, especially Chapter 22.

For now, just note that this means you cannot choose who you fall in love with and that you can't change the fact that you do love someone, or something else (even if you really think that you NEED to, in order to move on.). You can only change how you're dealing with that love and that desire. Hopefully, after the WHOs are separated for long enough, you'll realize that you were there more for the Whats than for the WHOs. I, personally, have been in a one-sided love for over 4 years now, and I haven't seen her for pretty much that entire time (Once I realized how I felt, I confessed, and she immediately ghosted me, with only a few exceptions that I negotiated per year).

To be clear, I don't want to date her, or kiss her, or have sex with her, or anything like that. (Who would want to be in a relationship with a person that doesn't love them back?) This is not just mistaking lust or obsession for true love because love is just an emotion. Love is not a relationship or an action, and it does not suggest compatibility or destiny. According to her, we're not compatible, and I'm pretty sure that she's right.

You cannot change what you WANT, and this is why the standard advice given for melt-downs or an unrequited love, is that you need to "deal with it differently." It's because you WANT to deal with it, but the strategy NEEDED to do so is a choice, and you've made the wrong one.

 

This is what makes the basics of manipulation possible. They may not be able to change the things you really want (WHO you want), but they can try to sell you a WHO for a specific path that benefits them along the way, and sometimes they leave you with a big mess in the end (Though, not always). By changing the logical process into an emotional endeavor, they can steer you towards a "mini love" to meet on the way towards your goal. Think of it like a one night stand that they claim you'll soon forget, but sometimes 9 months later, as you're supposed to be getting married to "The one" (The one goal that actually matters - what you really wanted) this "mini love" crashes the wedding and tells everyone that you have a son you didn't even know about (the consequences of that little detour they asked you to take).

Small events can lead to BIG consequences. Never mistake "a quicky" as always being a two sided dance because not everyone will always end up satisfied in a "short-term love".

The message here is simple: Manipulators will sell you a lust for something, while your WHO will find you an actual love.

Needs are also easy to be certain about because they're simpler to choose and easier to observe. After all, they're closer to where you are now than any of your WANTS could ever be, but when it comes to WANTS, people tend to be scared, and "uncertain", due to the mental distance between What they already have and the WHO that they're actually after. This means that their actions toward their desires become seemingly "unpredictable", as they don't know what they're doing and may backstep on several occasions. When you know who you are, backtracking becomes far less common. 

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To keep track of all these tools in their simplest forms, to both survive, and thrive, it's essential to realize that when you love someone for WHO they are, that means that proving your love, can only be done, by a series of choices, because you WANT them, and so you NEED to show it. Needs are choices.

It's just like a ladder, the WANT is the top, and the NEEDS are every step between where you are, and that top goal that you're aiming for (Maslow).

Now, depending on how high up the ladder your brain allows you to look, you may think that you want different things. When you're starving, you don't really have the energy to look at your 25th step of "wanting to have a nice house". Even though you do WANT that, you can only look high enough for the 5th step, which is "wanting to eat food", due to your starvation. If you zoom in a lot, you may think that you're making your job easier by having simpler, and more concrete "wants" (if you can even call them that), but in truth, you're only making your attempts at an overall success more rigid and less probable. As you are now, if all you were focusing on is "wanting to date Sarah," then you'll feel devastated if Sarah rejects you. In your obsession before the confession, and your wallowing after the confession, you may miss a perfect partner who was right there the whole time. Now, if you said that you wanted "a happy, healthy, romantic relationship,", instead of Sarah specifically (Looking higher on the ladder), then you wouldn't have missed these opportunities, because you wouldn't be obsessed with Sarah, and so you could look elsewhere. This is the sad tradeoff of truly loving someone or something. The fact is, when you are truly in love, you can lose. If you WANT the person, and it's not just about their money or their relationship, and it's not just about having a great romantic partner, but about having the great partner (them), then what if they don't love you back? Well, that's it, that's all. You didn't get what you wanted, and you didn't get what you thought you needed, and now you have to sit there, in pain, until you eventually find someone else that you want and love, and this can even take years. This is a sad sacrifice one needs to make to be truly in love, outside of themselves, and you must understand that this applies to loving yourself, too. Commitment is hard, and every time you fail to do what you want, it's hard to remember not to give up on yourself simply because that would be easier.

Knowing that your NEEDS are the mere stepping stones towards your WANTS, can easily explain why NEEDING them kills the romance. You see, if you're viewing their money as your WANT, and you're viewing your partner as only a NEED, then you're simply viewing your partner as a step ladder to place beneath you, as a way to move up towards the WHO that you're really after. 

"Happiness is not mostly pleasure. It is mostly victory."

- Dale Carnegie

When I state that loving them shouldn't be a choice, I'm not saying that codependent relationships are healthy, or happy, because, keep in mind, the term "codependent relationships", means that you're depending on them for something. This means that you're using them as a tool for something more. It means that you NEED them, for things such as validation, a feeling of self-worth, or anything else. This means that you WANT something other than them and are simply using them; specifically, because you feel like you NEED TO. Therefore, what I'm actually, and directly, advocating for, is entirely against codependence. In fact, seeing as to how, in a codependent relationship, they are then a choice that you've decided to keep out of ease. I'd now like to say that you should try to choose a more healthy alternative, to help you still reach your own WANTS in the long run, but without seeing others as merely a tool. If you feel like you're in a codependent relationship, you may want to seek professional help, as a way to guide you and your partner to the actual Whats that are needed for both of you to be happy in the end. I am not a psychologist, and cannot legally give you advise you on how to act in your lives. I am merely stating the observations that I've made as an outsider in such a field. 

"How much money does it take to make a man happy? Just one more dollar."

- John D. Rockefeller

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Now imagine this: If you truly loved your spouse, you’d choose to wake up every morning next to them even if they snore louder than an old freight train. You’d choose to get up and make them breakfast in bed, even when they’re sick, and even if they're a little pissy. You’d choose to live under the same roof as them 24/7, with all of their atrocious habits, and you’d choose to stay under that exact same roof no matter how difficult and painful last night’s fight was. You choose to do this. You’ve chosen to sacrifice on their behalf, for WHO they are, and because of how they make you feel. In short, you do it for their very existence. You do it for them. Because you love them, you want them in your life, you want (desire) for them to love you back, and you want for them to be happy. You want these things; so you have no choice but to work towards having them, or to suffer for as long as you still want them without attainment. 

My friend, at the end of the day, would you even be able to stand being a burden to them?

If push came to shove, and you, yourself, had become nothing but a burden to them, if all you were was an obstacle to their happiness, what would you do? You’d let them go. You’d let them go because you could, because you’re not there based on a need, and you don’t want to see them cry. You never want to make them suffer. Again, to be in love means three basic things. You want them in your life, you want them to love you back, and you want them to be happy. That's it, just 3 simple wants, the second place steps on the ladder, the closest measurements, that are the equivalent of simply saying "I, want, you."

Your dreams always include them. You might feel it’s a safer bet to aim for your own dreams, and yet you always aim to make their dreams come true, first and foremost, and you just hope that you’ll be allowed to participate in it with them. You do this, all while knowing that it’s probably not the exact situation you desired. I don’t mean that you need to be selfless. I only mean that whenever you are, it holds so much more meaning, because you choose to be. You weren’t forced to compromise to keep up with some status quo. You chose to compromise and suffer through life's pains, not out of a necessity to keep them, but out of a love for them. The more you love someone, even yourself, the more power they have over you, and yet you choose to let this happen, knowing full well what the consequences might be. With self-love, you will be responsible for you. You will control yourself. You will be the one with the most power, over you. Take care of yourself like you would a loved one, not because it's easy. True love is never easy, but because you choose to. Because you choose to sacrifice all that is necessary, in the name of self-love. You do it, in the name of you.

 

This creates a key situation for spotting manipulation: If you need to depend on someone, they are in a position to lie to you, and if someone is depending on you, then they have a reason to lie to you. In short, when it's hard for either one of you (or both) to say no, lies become a far more probable threat, because if they NEED you then you're only seen as a "step" towards what they WANT. An independent can leave to hide his shame, but a dependent man has no such luxuries. His only escape, is to lie.

And he simply hopes that his lies will eventually make him independent someday.

If you learn to love people easily, and in their entirety, keeping an open heart, an open soul, and an open mind, maybe one day, someone will come to love you, in your entirety, as well. One thing's for certain though, if you don't learn to love others, then the love they give you becomes... less meaningful, or less long-lasting. You can't give what you don't have, and you can't trade if you have nothing to offer. If someone gives you love, and you give nothing back? Well, consider them swindled or, at the very least, disappointed, because that's how they're going to feel either way. That "relationship" will never truly exist because the materials that are needed to build it weren't there. If you're looking for a positive meaning to living, you can love in life. You can be loved in death, but one thing's for certain. You will need, love.

 

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Now my friends, while it is usually very easy to give love, it is almost impossible, to take it by force. With such a truth in mind, learning to love people more easily may be the best course of action any person can take. Keep in mind, however, that love is love, and trust is trust. A relationship requires much more than just love. It also requires trust, dependability, accountability... integrity... and so much more. Love is simply an emotion. Just like how you can learn to laugh more easily through different methods, you can also learn to love more easily through mental, and emotional trainings, as well.

Remember again, however, that this does not mean you should be making many "relationships" willy-nilly. Relationships require more than just emotions, much more, in fact. You can learn to be loving, and you should be loved, or at least cared for, unconditionally, but trust and many other things are items you will need to earn all by yourself. Of course, you shouldn't give too many things to others, without them earning it first, either. Don't go learning to be naïve or ignorant of the harsh truths that this world will throw at you, just because it makes you feel more comfortable in the short term. Not everyone is trustworthy, and not everyone is worthy of being your friend or lover. In fact, many people in this world aren't even worth being your enemy.

You need What knowledge this site offers, to get What you want. You're reading in general because you need to be, but you chose Wishful Tinkering specifically because you WANTED for it to be learned here, on this site. It could have been based on WHO this site is to you, or WHO I am, or maybe even another WHO. The WHO may be on this website or from in somewhere else (maybe YouTube, for example). It's the ability to find where and when your emotions start that is the first step in uncovering WHO you really are.

So, FIND THEM. Find the very instance that you decided to come here, and when you think that you've found it, look to the moments that are even earlier. One of the most common mistakes people make when looking for their WHOs is that they only pay attention to when the emotion was sensed, but not when it was triggered. If you can remember when your desire to learn was triggered, you'll have a much easier time finding what exactly triggered it.

There are few things in life as simply powerful as the art of good timing. You can transform nearly any experience into a blessing, so long as you stay on the better side of time.

So take your time, and find that WHO. I believe in you. If I could do it, with my starting lack of identity, then so can you.

Good Luck!!!